


Maienschein | May-light

by afreezingwinter (inthesummer)



Series: Red and Gold and Everything in Between [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Glow, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 11:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14768339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthesummer/pseuds/afreezingwinter
Summary: It’s a rather beautiful sight with all the different-colored glows, and Bokuto wondered why he had never really noticed it before.Most of the other glows were common, primary colors in all kinds of shades, but one Karasuno member had a rare silvery gleam which really complimented his gray-ish hair, and the freakishly tall first year from Nekoma had a dizzying swirl of different vivid colors, much like a rainbow.His best friend, Bokuto noticed, was still sporting the same red color, exactly like the one he had on the day they first met.-or: in which Kuroo was glowing red the first time they met and Bokuto had always wanted his favorite color for his favorite person.





	Maienschein | May-light

**Author's Note:**

> credit for the title: [this tweet](https://twitter.com/robgmacfarlane/status/995181836551835648) (and thank you [Veltszrivanme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veltszrivanme/pseuds/Veltszrivanme) for pointing out the typo!)
> 
> so, uhm, i guess this is what happened when i watched too much haikyuu and read too much bokuroo. i'm not sure i'm entirely pleased with how this turned out, but i guess i've spent too much time working on it not to share it, so. *shrugs*
> 
> also, this AU is something i came up with on my own years ago, and i've used it on my other works, although they're for different fandoms and posted on different platforms.

" ** _Maienschein_** " [German, poetic]

_the green-gold sunlight that falls through the young leaves of trees & woods in spring/May_

 

 

The first time they met, they were first years participating in their first ever joint training camp, and _Kuroo was glowing red_.

Bokuto would remember the last bit particularly well, because while the messy-haired Nekoma wasn’t the only one in the gym with a glow, his was the only one that perfectly matched the color of his team’s uniform.

So _cliché_ , Bokuto scoffed.

But there’s another thing. Bokuto would never forget how the glow was so bright even then, because it was the brightness that momentarily blinded him as Kuroo jumped on the other side of the net to block his spike, and Bokuto ended up hitting the ball with much less power and precision than he had intended, the ball bouncing off Kuroo’s stretched hand and onto Fukurodani’s side of the court. Kuroo smirked, Bokuto bristled, and barked that he would definitely get the next one in.

He didn’t – Fukurodani won the practice match, but Kuroo had somehow managed to block every single one of Bokuto’s spike, much to the latter’s annoyance.

Bokuto always hated losing, but he was fair, and could easily recognize a formidable rival when he saw one, so he walked up to Kuroo as soon as the match ended and stuck out his hand.

“Bokuto Koutarou,” he said, and grinned when the other shook his hand and told him his name. “Next time, you’ll be picking up the ball every single time I blast it past you.”

Kuroo laughed. “Oho? Challenged accepted. Bring it on, dude.”

They spent the remaining time of the training camp talking about volleyball and everything and nothing. Well, everything but Kuroo’s bright red glow, because somehow, it seemed too personal even for their instant, easy friendship.

-

It’s not like Bokuto didn’t have any friends, because he did, really – he had always been popular in school, although sometimes he would wonder why. But he had also learned that he seemed to have more energy than most people knew how to deal with, his own brand of humor more ridiculous, his mood swings more frequent than what’s probably healthy. So Bokuto couldn’t blame his friends for never really knowing how to keep up with him.

But Kuroo – Kuroo was _different_.

Kuroo stayed with him after practice for however long he still needed to work on his crosses and straights (oh how Bokuto wished they had gone to the same school so they could do this every day), laughed with him when he cracked jokes others never seemed to get, gave him just the right amount of space and time when it was one of his bad days, and prodded at all the right places to get him up and running again.

Kuroo was different. He was a friend, but the very best kind ( _my best friend_ , Bokuto thought giddily) and Bokuto just knew he could share anything with him.

So when he woke up one morning to find out that he finally had his very own first glow – a pale blue-ish one – he didn’t even think twice before jumping on the train ride to his best friend’s house, impatiently knocked on the front door, and then nearly tackled said best friend to the floor as soon as the door swung open.

“Whoa, there! Bo, easy! What’s got you so high so early in the morning?” Kuroo chuckled. Bokuto laughed and then pulled away to look at his friend.

“I finally got it, Kuroo! My glow! Look, look!” He spread his arms wide open and even did a turn-around, as if to grant Kuroo a better look on the still-faint light shimmering all around him. When Kuroo just frowned and looked at him with a weary expression, Bokuto almost wanted to smack himself for leaving out the important detail.

“Oh, oh! It’s this cute college student!” he said, certain that Kuroo must have been confused by this sudden appearance of his glow – after all, it wasn’t there when they met up just last weekend. “We had a practice match with a local community college team two days ago, and the setter was so pretty!”

“Oh,” was all Kuroo said. He still looked somewhat flustered, and it occurred to Bokuto that he had just practically outed himself to Kuroo, something he hadn’t even found enough courage to do to his own parents.

Bokuto’s stomach dropped, but before he had time to think about what Kuroo’s response (or lack thereof) possibly meant, Kuroo flicked his forehead.

“Ow!” he yelped, rubbing at the patch of skin to soothe the pain. “What was that for?”

“For thinking what I think you must be thinking right now,” Kuroo said, and he chuckled at Bokuto’s unblinking, baffled expression. “Seriously dude, I’m gonna take offense if you think that’s gonna change anything.”

Bokuto watched him plop down on the front steps and he followed suit, settling himself next to Kuroo. He drew his legs and rested his chin on his knees.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “It’s just that you looked troubled when I told you, so I thought…” He didn’t finish his sentence. Kuroo was quiet for a moment before he finally spoke.

“I was just surprised, is all. I meant, we never really talked about this stuff, you know?” Kuroo said, scratching the back of his neck.

Bokuto tilted his head so that he could have a look at his best friend. Kuroo still had that slight frown on his face, and when he turned to meet Bokuto’s eyes, there was uncertainty there, much like the one he usually had when he was working on a math problem and he couldn’t decide which formula to use.

Bokuto nudged him with his elbow. “Hey, you know you don’t owe me anything, right?” Kuroo raised a brow, so he went on to explain. “I told you about it because I wanted to. But it doesn’t mean that you ought to do the same, bro. I promise I won’t ever ask if you don’t feel like telling me. No hard feelings, I swear,” he grinned. “Though, of course, I’m all ears if you want to talk about it.”

A moment passed where Kuroo remained silent, but then he snorted and started snickering.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“You’re _all_ ears, huh? Ew, that’s gross!”

This time, Bokuto tackled him to the ground for real and pinned him down until Kuroo threw his hands up in surrender, both of them out of breath from laughing too much.

-

His first glow lasted for three months.

One morning he woke up and it was just not there anymore. That pale shade of blue had remained dim until the end, never once sparked into life or burnt brighter, and now it’s gone. If Bokuto were to be honest, it had actually stayed longer than he’d expected. He could barely recall what that pretty setter (whom he was supposed to have been in love with until this morning) looked like, and aside from the first few days, Bokuto didn’t remember feeling the giddiness that people always said came along with glowing for someone.

So really, Bokuto knew that it was a lost cause. And yet there was this uneasy feeling gnawing at him now, part of it a disappointment of having his first glow passing him by so soon and so insignificantly, and something else that he couldn’t quite name.

He let out a sigh and picked up his phone.

An hour later, Bokuto was sweating buckets as he spiked tosses after tosses that Kenma set for him, trying to put them past Kuroo’s blocks. Eventually Kenma wore out first and said he wanted to go home, but not before Bokuto pulled him into a hug and told him that he should _definitely_ go to Fukurodani, to which Kenma shook his head and deadpanned, “I’d rather not. The practice will be too exhausting with you, Bokuto-san.”

That left Bokuto with his mouth agape while Kuroo doubled up with laughter, but the sound was too infectious Bokuto couldn’t help joining only seconds later.

And just like that, he was okay again.

-

On his second year, Bokuto met Akaashi, who signed up as a setter on the volleyball club tryouts, and he instantly took a liking to the first-year, because his tosses were perfect and so effortlessly easy to hit.

In a way, Akaashi was like Kuroo, although they couldn’t have been more different. Akaashi was quiet and serious where Kuroo was loud and mischievous; he would call Bokuto out on his silly antics where Kuroo would dive right in to join him, no questions asked.

But Akaashi also seemed to get him, almost in a way no one but Kuroo did. He put up with Bokuto’s insatiable thirst for practice and calmly dealt with – or just simply ignored – his insufferable mood swings. Most of the time Akaashi just remained silent and expressionless while Bokuto went on rambling about how awesome the cross spike he just hit, but on rare occasions, he would have a small (pretty) smile on his face and said _Nice kill, Bokuto-san_ , and Bokuto found himself wanting to see that smile and hear those words more often.

He liked Akaashi, he knew that much, but he began to think he could wake up one morning with his bluish glow back and he wouldn’t even be surprised.

-

When it finally happened, just merely a month after he met Akaashi, Bokuto was still surprised, pretty much so, because his glow wasn’t blue – it was _purple_.

And so Bokuto learned that he actually changed colors as he fell in love for the second time.

-

_“Mom, why don’t I have that shining light around me, just like you and Dad?”_

_His mother laughed softly and ruffled his hair._

_“You will, Koutarou dear, when you grow up and find the person you like the most in the world.”_

_Bokuto’s big eyes brightened._

_“So when I find my favorite person, I will have my favorite color glowing all around me?”_

_“It doesn’t always have to be your favorite color, but yes, you will glow once you find your favorite person.”_

_Bokuto pouted. He didn’t like the idea that he might not get his favorite color for his favorite person – it didn’t sound so cool. His mother laughed again when he told her this and said something else, but Bokuto was determined._

_No matter what, he would glow in **gold** for his favorite person._

-

Bokuto grimaced as he reminisced about that conversation he had with his mother years ago, when he still didn’t know any better. What was he thinking then? That he could simply pick a color he wanted for his glow the way he always did for any toys or shirts or even the paint of his bedroom walls?

He had stubbornly carried that silly hope with him growing up, right until last year when he started glowing in blue instead of gold and had to admit that his mother had been right.

But now, as he was staring at his reflection in the mirror, his glow the color of lavenders, he once again found himself wondering if maybe – _maybe_ – one day he would be able to get his favorite color after all.

-

“I don’t understand, Bo,” Kuroo said, and he was frowning again. “Aren’t you in love with Akaashi?”

“I am. I just told you, Kuroo. He’s the reason I’m having this purple glow right now,” Bokuto said, exasperated. Somehow, this conversation wasn’t going the way he had imagined. He hadn’t exactly expected Kuroo to jump in joy with him for glowing the second time, but he also hadn’t thought he would remain so quiet, only quipping that he wasn’t at all surprised that it’s Akaashi ( _“You just won’t shut up about him these days.”_ ) and that Bokuto sure had a thing for pretty setters, with a grin that wasn’t as wide and teasing as usual.

Come to think of it, his friend was also barely enthusiastic when he told him about his first glow back then, so perhaps Kuroo wasn’t into this sort of thing? Was it too awkward for him? Bokuto always felt like he could talk to Kuroo about anything, even _this_ , but only now did it occur to him that perhaps Kuroo didn’t feel the same.

He was about to drop the topic when the other finally spoke again, stopping his train of thoughts.

“Then why would you long for a different color, even if it’s your favorite? I meant, it’s almost like you’re already looking forward to the next person you’ll fall in love with even though you are supposedly in love with Akaashi right now. What does that make him, then?”

It was like getting slapped in the face.

Something must have flickered on his expression because now Kuroo looked at him apologetically and murmured something under his breath, but all Bokuto heard was the echo of his mother’s words.

_When you find your favorite person, Kou dear, you will like them so much it won’t even matter to you what color you glow for them._

Did it mean he wasn’t as in love with Akaashi as he was supposed to? Was that why he was still hung up on having his favorite color? But how much more in love was he supposed to be, and was that even something he could work on?

Why was everything so confusing?

“… B-but I do like Akaashi, Kuroo,” he whined, almost petulantly, because he didn’t know what else he had to say for himself. “Okay, so maybe it’s stupid that I’m obsessed with glowing gold, but I like him.”

Kuroo snorted and looked away. “’Course you do. Simple crushes don’t give you a glow, after all.”

Silence stretched between them after that, one Bokuto was not used to having while he was with Kuroo, so he blurted out the first thought that crossed his mind out of desperation to break it.

“Is red your favorite color?”

Kuroo groaned. “Bo…..”

“Just answer it.”

An exasperated sigh, and then, “I don’t know. I guess? I never really give it much thought.”

“Tch, what a lucky bastard.”

Kuroo laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, right. It’s just a color, dude.”

Kuroo’s mother’s voice rang from inside the house then, telling them dinner’s ready, so they got up from the front steps and walked back in and didn’t talk about it anymore for the rest of the evening.

-

Bokuto told Akaashi about his feeling six months after his purple glow first appeared, at the end of their grueling second match on Nationals. He hadn’t planned to confess, certainly not on that day (or maybe not _ever_ ), but he supposed the exhilarating joy of being able to clinch that decisive match point with his unstoppable straight and earning Akaashi’s proud smile just got the better of him, and the words were out before he could stop them.

“I like you, Akaashi,” he breathed, just loud enough so only Akaashi could hear.

Akaashi’s smile faltered and Bokuto knew what was coming even before that smile turned sad and Akaashi cast his gaze down and told him what he had already known.

“I like you too, Bokuto-san. But I’m sorry.”

Akaashi liked him – but he didn’t _glow_. He was not in love with anyone, not even with Bokuto, who had been glowing for him all this time.

Bokuto had always known this, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Hey hey hey, it’s cool,” he said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as small to Akaashi as it did to his own ears, wished his smile didn’t look as tight as it felt to him. “Sorry, I just felt like saying it. Got it off my chest, you know? But don’t let it change anything between us, yeah? Don’t know what I’ll do without your tosses, ha ha.”

Bokuto realized he’d startled rambling, which meant he was gonna break down and cry any time now, right there in front of Akaashi. Talk about being un _cool_.

 _Shit_.

“Bokuto-san…” Akaashi started, but Bokuto cut him off by saying something about needing some fresh air before he all but fled the gym, straight into the back of the building where he knew he could be alone for a little while. He leaned back against the wall and slid down, burying his face on his knees.

He didn’t look up when he heard footsteps coming closer before the person plopped down right next to him. The body heat and the scent were so familiar, it’s comforting.

“You did well, Bo. I’m so proud of you.”

He broke into sobs, and Kuroo gathered him in his arms.

-

He let himself cry over Akaashi just one more time, when his glow (that had been pulsing weaker and weaker since that disastrous confession) finally withered away. He mourned the loss of the feeling that had been a huge part of him for these past months, but took comfort from the fact that he didn’t have to mourn the loss of a friend too, because in the end he and Akaashi remained friends, although it hadn’t been easy at first.

Sniffling one last time, he lifted up his head from Kuroo’s shoulder, where he had buried his face and wept silently. There was a big, wet patch and something that suspiciously looked like – _ew_ – snot on Kuroo’s grey tee.

Bokuto grimaced. “Kuroo, I think I just ruined your t-shirt.”

“Great,” his best friend said with his typical lazy smirk, completely unperturbed. “Now I have a legitimate excuse to bully you into buying me a new one.”

Bokuto snorted and rolled his eyes, but an idea crossed his mind and a sly grin slowly broke into his tear-stained face.

“Only if you let me pick.”

“I don’t like that look on your face,” Kuroo eyed him warily, but he soon cackled as Bokuto wiggled his thick eyebrows playfully. “Okay, fine. Grace me with your impeccable taste, dude.”

Bokuto made a show by putting a hand over his chest. “I shall not disappoint.”

They made a quick trip to a nearby thrift shop and then went to Kenma’s house to proudly show off what they had chosen for one another (“ _It’s only fair that I get you one too, Bo!”_ Kuroo winked): a shocking pink sleeveless top with an ‘UP OWL NIGHT’ print and a picture of an owl wearing blue pajamas and a matching nightcap for Bokuto, and a blood-red t-shirt with a picture of an alarmingly atrocious taco-cat hybrid for Kuroo.   

If Kenma hadn’t looked so done with the two of them already, he was decidedly so when Kuroo suggested that they wear their new t-shirts on their next joint training camp ( _“Our first as captains, woohoo!”_ ). Bokuto was beside himself with glee, and Kenma wondered out loud how on Earth he was even friends with them.

-

Later that night, as he lay awake in Kuroo’s bed (seriously, that dumbass was kinder than most people gave him credit for – he just wouldn’t let Bokuto take the couch whenever he slept over) after a few rounds of superheroes movies and midnight snacks, Bokuto decided that he was so done with all this glowing business – it’s too troublesome, too painful, nothing at all like the sunshine and rainbows and unicorns it was promised to be.

Who cared about some stupid glow, even if it was of his favorite color? Bokuto could remain glowless for the rest of his life for all he cared, as long as he could always spend his days with Kuroo. 

He fell asleep smiling.

-

Chugging the water from the bottle, Bokuto leaned back against the wall and took a good look around the gym. Fukurodani had just finished a set against Shinzen, which they won thanks to his wonderful spikes, if he could say so himself, and now the players from both teams were scattered around, taking their breaths. Nekoma were still playing in one of the courts, currently having the lead against the newcomers Karasuno.

It’s a rather beautiful sight with all the different-colored glows, and Bokuto wondered why he had never really noticed it before.

(Once, Akaashi had told him that he had this bad habit of being too fixated on one thing he seemed to be completely oblivious to everything else. Bokuto had tried to argue, but Akaashi gave him this look and reminded him about that one time when he was obsessed with perfecting his straight spikes he ended up forgetting how to hit crosses.

Bokuto had to admit that perhaps Akaashi had a point after all.)

Akaashi still didn’t have his glow, and he didn’t seem even the least bit bothered by it. Bokuto’s heart still ached a little, and he wondered how he would feel when the setter finally had one. They were good friends now, and Bokuto was well over him, but perhaps it would still sting a little knowing that someone else could actually do something he hadn’t been able to, igniting that elusive spark on Akaashi.

Out of all his other teammates, Komi was the only one with a glow, radiating a warm hue of orange that shimmered beautifully – Bokuto thought the color suited him. Yukie had one, too, the color pale pink like champagne, and Bokuto remembered he overheard Yukie excitedly telling their first-year manager about her date.

Most of the other glows were common, primary colors in all kinds of shades, but one Karasuno member had a rare silvery gleam which really complimented his gray-ish hair, and the freakishly tall first year from Nekoma had a dizzying swirl of different vivid colors, much like a rainbow.

He didn’t realize that the Nekoma – Karasuno set had ended until he saw Kuroo striding across the gym towards him.

His best friend, Bokuto noticed, was still sporting the same red color, exactly like the one he had on the day they first met.

“My my, those two Karasuno first-years sure are trouble,” Kuroo groaned as he settled next to Bokuto. Bokuto glanced over the scoreboard – 25-18 for Nekoma – and scoffed.

“Didn’t stop you guys from winning,” he remarked.

Kuroo shrugged. “They haven’t really clicked as a team, and they really need to work on their defense as well. That tall kid with glasses seems smart, but his blocks are pretty weak.”

When Bokuto just hummed in lieu of responding, Kuroo elbowed him playfully in the side and lifted an eyebrow. “What’s this? Don’t tell me you’re worn out already after only a few sets? Dude, you’re getting old!”

Bokuto shot him a glare and said, “Shut up!” but Kuroo was still looking at him, the thin line above his eyebrows showcasing the worry he didn’t voice out, and Bokuto sighed.

“I’m fine, Kuroo,” Bokuto assured. “I’ve just been thinking.”

“Oh? That’s new – _ow_! Bo, you hurt me!!”

Bokuto snickered as Kuroo was putting on a show of massaging the side of his head that Bokuto had smacked – he was clearly exaggerating, Bokuto didn’t even hit that hard, he would never hurt Kuroo, not even when they were just goofing around.

He hesitated for a moment, but then decided to just go for it.

“Hey Kuroo, do you change colors?” Kuroo seemed to be taken aback by his question he even stopped his theatricals at once and turned to look at him. “Just curious. I wonder if anyone else beside me does,” he said with a shrug.

“Well, so far you’re the only person I’ve met who does,” Kuroo told him. “And I don’t think I do, but I don’t know for sure.”

It took a moment for Bokuto to let the implication of Kuroo’s words sink in.

“Wait,” he drawled. “Does it mean – Have you been glowing for the same person this entire time and never for anyone else?”

His voice grew a pitch or two higher by the end of it that some other players turned their heads and threw curious glances their way, but Bokuto was too bewildered by this revelation to care.

Kuroo nodded, smiling sheepishly. “I guess, yeah.”

“But dude, you were already glowing the first time we met! How long have you actually had that glow, anyway?”

Now Kuroo was rubbing the back of his head, looking uncharacteristically shy. “Uh, since middle school? Right before the start of the second year.”

Bokuto was completely awed. Kuroo had been in love with someone for _years_? This guy, who had to be the biggest dork on Earth along with Bokuto himself? It seemed unreal, unbelievable, and yet…

And yet it made sense, somehow. Obnoxious as they might be, Kuroo had always been the more sensible, responsible one, reining him in when he was about to go too far. And Bokuto always knew his friend had a serious, pensive side to him, one that didn’t show itself often whenever they were together, but was there all the same.

So no, Bokuto supposed he shouldn’t be surprised that Kuroo turned out to be quite a romantic.

He almost couldn’t stop himself from going back on his own words and just asked who it was that could inspire such a strong, unwavering emotion for Kuroo, but Akaashi called out to him then, telling him their set against Karasuno was about to start, and Bokuto knew the opportunity had slipped away as Kuroo helped him get up and said _Show them your best moves, Bo!_ before he left to join his Nekoma teammates.

-

Bokuto might have missed the chance to ask, but he found himself unable to stomp down the curiosity that had only grown stronger since then. He tried to come up with some possible names, but it proved to be hard since the only person he knew had known Kuroo in middle school was Kenma.

“Akaashi, do you think Kenma’s the person Kuroo is glowing for?” he wondered out loud during one of their morning practices. Akaashi caught the ball he was supposed to set for him and looked at him like he had grown two heads.

Bokuto was offended. “What?”

Akaashi sighed and said, “If anyone should know that about Kuroo-san, wouldn’t that person be you, Bokuto-san? I don’t understand why you asked me.”

Bokuto pursed his lips. “Kuroo never told me. And I did promise him that I wouldn’t ask.”

“Then perhaps you should, if it bothers you that much,” Akaashi said.

“It doesn’t bother me, I’m simply curious,” Bokuto argued. “Why should it bother me anyway? Kuroo is my best bro. It doesn’t matter who he’s in love with. Right, Akaashi?”

Again, Akaashi just regarded him in silence and there was something about the way his junior look at him that made Bokuto turn his gaze away, because it was as if Akaashi was trying to see right through him and tell him what he found afterwards, and Bokuto had a feeling he might not like whatever it was. He called for another toss and pretended not to see the way Akaashi sighed, in the same way he did whenever Bokuto failed to solve a simple math problem although the answer should have been obvious enough.

-

Whatever it was that Akaashi thought should have been obvious enough to him, Bokuto didn’t figure it out until later, and the epiphany was brought about by the unlikeliest event of all: his failing on an English test.

“Akaashi,” he whined, face planted firmly on his desk. “You’re my vice-captain, you’re supposed to help me with _everything_.”

“Captaincy has got nothing to do with this.” Akaashi deadpanned. Bokuto lifted his head up and pouted, looking so thoroughly dejected someone might think Akaashi had just killed his kittens. Akaashi huffed, momentarily annoyed with himself at how quickly his resolve slipped away.

“Fine,” he said, finally relenting, and he nearly rolled his eyes at the way Bokuto perked up almost instantly. ”I’ll help you with your essay. But don’t expect me to translate the whole thing for you, Bokuto-san. I’ll just look it over and edit the mistakes before you hand it over to Murakami-sensei.”

Bokuto grinned from ear to ear. “Akaashi, you’re the best!” he exclaimed, clapping Akaashi at the back.

“What do you have to write about?” the second-year asked.

“We can choose from several topics. Wait, let me check,” Bokuto said, pulling out the folded assignment sheet from one of his notebooks. He read out the options. “Uh, fondest childhood memory, dream job, favorite sport – Hey! I can write about volleyball! – the strangest dream you’ve had, best friend, the place-“

“Write about best friend, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interjected.

Bokuto blinked owlishly. “You want me to write about you?”

Akaashi didn’t even bother answering that. He just got up from his seat and heading for the doors, only stopping when he reached the doorway to look over his shoulder and said, “I’m looking forward to reading your essay _about_ _Kuroo-san_. It’s going to be interesting.”

Bokuto could swear the small smile Akaashi threw his way before disappearing into the hallway was nothing short of devilish.

-

Bokuto had wanted to write about Akaashi just to spite him, but gave up almost immediately when he realized he wouldn’t have much to write about. Don’t get him wrong – as far as best friends go, Akaashi was definitely the closest to the definition after Kuroo. And it’s not like hanging out with Akaashi wasn’t fun, because it was.

But being with Kuroo was _a lot more_ fun, simple as that.

Once he set out to write, the words just flowed endlessly. He began with describing how they met and became friends, then added a few paragraphs about some of their most ridiculous escapades (he had tons to choose from, it’s hard not to be tempted to just write them all), before he went on to explain why Kuroo Tetsurou was the best kind of friend anyone could ever ask for – cool, funny, smart, kind-hearted Kuroo.

 _He is definitely my favorite person_ , he wrote at the end of his essay.

It wasn’t until Bokuto re-read the whole thing that his brain finally caught up, and his stomach flipped when the realization hit him like a ton of _fucking_ bricks.

 _Kuroo is my **favorite** person_ , he thought, still dazed.

Then he freaked out.

 _Shit_.

-

_“Have you figured it out yet?”_

“Akaashi, I’m so doomed and this is all your _fucking_ fault.”

_“You’re welcome, Bokuto-san.”_

Bokuto hung up the phone.

-

So, for the third time in his life, Bokuto Koutarou was in love.

But, for the _first_ time in his life, he got his favorite color.

He was glowing _gold_.

And it was just the right shade of gold, exactly as how he had always imagined it to be – not the superficial, metallic beam that was harsh to the eyes, but something much softer, like the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees on a warm spring day.

It was beautiful, it was _perfect_ – as if the universe decided to take pity on him and gifted him his favorite color, as piss-poor consolation for falling for his favorite person that he could never, ever have.

Bokuto wanted to cry.

-

“You’re being dramatic, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, clearly not buying what he considered as Bokuto’s self-imposed misery. Bokuto glared at him. “I’m sorry, but I fail to see why you must think it’s impossible. You don’t even know who Kuroo-san is glowing for – for all we know, it could be you.”

Bokuto looked at him like he couldn’t believe that Akaashi was supposed to be the smarter of the two of them.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Akaashi? It just can’t be _me_. He started glowing back in middle school. That’s a couple years before we met. How could it be me? Do you think, what, that I just randomly featured in his dreams back then and he magically fell for me?”

Akaashi scoffed. “This isn’t some shoujo manga, Bokuto-san.”

“That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Bokuto cried, but apparently Akaashi wasn’t quite done yet.

“But I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to think that the two of you may have crossed paths before you actually met each other and became friends. After all, both you and Kuroo-san have lived here all your lives.”

“ _Here_ is Tokyo, Akaashi. TOKYO.”

“So?” Akaashi challenged.

Bokuto was starting to lose his patience. “ _So_ , I don’t have to be a genius to know that the odds of that happening are just so… low? Small?”

“But not entirely impossible,” Akaashi stated matter-of-factly.

“Why do you insist that it could be me? You don’t know that for sure,” Bokuto scowled.

Akaashi sighed and took his time choosing his next words carefully. It wouldn’t do to get Bokuto riled up more than he already was, or their practice session later would simply be a waste of time.

“I’m not insisting that it has to be you. I’m simply refuting your own insistence that it is impossible, which it isn’t, statistically speaking. But it’s true that I don’t know for sure, and neither do you, Bokuto-san. So, obviously, there’s only one thing left to do.”

“What?”

“Tell Kuroo-san, of course.“

“W-what? No. No _fucking_ way. Akaashi, are you mad?” Bokuto sputtered.

Akaashi shrugged. “Why not?”

“Because what if Kuroo feels weirded out that I fell for him even though he never thinks of me that way? What if he thinks differently of me once he finds out? What if-“

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi interrupted calmly, “I thought you knew Kuroo-san better than this.”

That definitely silenced him, and Bokuto could feel his cheeks burning because it stung to have to be reminded what kind of person Kuroo was. Kuroo was _his_ best friend – he ought to know him better than anyone else did.

And he did know, of course, that Kuroo would never ever think differently of him. Still, it did little to soothe his fear that it was somehow going to put a strain on their friendship, shifting their easy, comfortable maneuver around one another into something stilted and awkward – Bokuto didn’t think he could live with that.

He hung his head. “I really don’t know what to do, Akaashi.”

“Just think about it carefully, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said, his tone surprisingly tender it made Bokuto’s eyes water. “Now come on, it’s time for practice.”

-

Bokuto was aware that he had been stalling, but there was only so much time he could buy before he had to face the inevitable and see Kuroo again.

 _Damn this ill-timed training camp_ , Bokuto cursed in his head as he got off his school team’s bus and was immediately face to face with the one person he had tried to avoid these past weeks (he put in some effort to not make it obvious though, and Kuroo seemed to buy his lame excuses of being too busy with school to come over his house every other weekend like he usually did).  

Kuroo was standing there with one hand on his hip, looking ridiculously good in Nekoma’s practice get-up.  Bokuto must have seen Kuroo in that black tee and red shorts hundreds of time by now, and yet the sight had never sent his heart hammering painfully against his ribcage the way it did now.

Not for the first time, Bokuto hated all the changes that came along with the realization of being hopelessly in love with his best friend.

“Hey, Bo,” Kuroo greeted. Bokuto didn’t miss the way Kuroo’s eyes flickered to his glow before settling back to meet his gaze, and it was all Bokuto could do not to simply turn tail and run.

Putting on a bravado, he mirrored his friend’s grin and asked, “Hey hey hey, Kuroo! Where’s Kenma?”

“Chibi-chan talked him into showing him around as soon as he arrived, and I haven’t seen them since,” Kuroo explained, and they both snickered – for some reasons, the orange-haired shorty from Karasuno had attached himself to Kenma and the latter didn’t even seem to mind, polar opposites though they were.

“Wait until Hinata comes to Fukurodani. He’ll be blown away.”

“Hey! Nekoma’s not so bad!”

Their silly banter continued all the way to the gym, and Bokuto was thankful for it, because it was something he was familiar with, and it allowed him to pretend that nothing at all had changed between them.

-

Such illusion soon proved too hard to maintain, however.  

Bokuto was just getting ready for their first set against Ubugawa when he heard an incredibly excited “Bokuto-saaaaaan!” and sure enough, when he whirled around, he saw Hinata making a beeline for him from across the gym. Bokuto threw his head back and laughed, amused by Hinata’s childlike exuberance that so often reminded him of himself.

He was about to ask if the other had tried to pull off the secret move he had shown him during the previous training camp, but Hinata beat him to it.

“Uwaaaah, Bokuto-san! You’re _golden_!!” Hinata exclaimed, with a voice so loud it turned all heads in the gym, including Kuroo’s. Bokuto winced. There went his hope of feigning ignorance and acting like his new glow did not exist for the rest of this camp. “It’s amazing!! Like, gwaaah, it’s so cool! It really suits you, Bokuto-san!”

Had it been anyone else, Bokuto would have probably told him off. But this was Hinata, who was now looking at him with sparkles in his eyes, genuinely fascinated by his shimmering golden glow like it’s the best thing since volleyball, and Bokuto just couldn’t find it in him to be angry.

“Ohoho, I know right!” he said instead, crossing his arms over his chest with confidence he didn’t quite feel. Hinata looked as if he wanted to say something, and for a friction of second Bokuto panicked, sure that Hinata would ask _that_ question right there in front of everyone – in front of _Kuroo_ – but then Karasuno’s setter popped up from behind him and dragged him away to get ready for their own game.

Bokuto smiled as he waved Hinata goodbye, but when he turned around, he caught Kuroo staring at him with an odd look on his face before his friend flashed him a small smile and looked away, and Bokuto didn’t know what to make of it.

As Fukurodani’s game finally started, Bokuto found himself being acutely aware of Kuroo’s presence even when the other was playing two courts away from where he was. It made him feel ridiculously self-conscious, his every move unsure and hesitant as if he were on his very first match all over again, and not at all befitting his status as one of the Top 5 aces in the country.

Much to his relief, his team still won that set even with his less-than-stellar showing, because otherwise Akaashi would chew him out. The setter shot him a knowing look right after the set ended and said nothing, but Bokuto knew better than to push his luck and think that he could get away with it the second time.

He was becoming restless, and he hammered away his growing frustration on the next set against Shinzen, who probably wondered if they had done something that personally offended him. Akaashi leveled him another disapproving look when the set ended but at this point, Bokuto was too irritated to give a damn.

He stalked off to one corner of the gym away from his teammates, intent on having some peace and quiet for a little while. He leaned back against the wall, and was just about to close his eyes when a voice piped up.

“You okay there, Bo?”

Bokuto sighed, resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall because _of course_ Kuroo just had to find him like this – he always had, hadn’t he? And Bokuto must have looked as horrible as he felt if Kuroo didn’t even bother with his usual snarky remarks. He looked up and saw Kuroo eyeing him worriedly.

“It’s just one of those days, man,” he said with a shrug, and tried not to flinch when Kuroo’s arm brushed against his as the other plopped down next to him.  His chest tightened as he took in the sight of Kuroo’s glow – still as bright as ever – and after a while he had to look away because it just hurt too much.

“You know,” Kuroo drawled, and Bokuto could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “For someone who finally got what he’s always wanted, you don’t look all too happy.”

_So we’re really going to talk about it, huh?_

“Well, it’s… _complicated_ ,” Bokuto murmured, and he almost couldn’t stop himself from letting out a snort because _wow_ , that’s got to be the understatement of the year – complicated didn’t even begin to cover it.

It’s taxing, was what it was; an endless cycle of thinking _I should tell him/I shouldn’t tell him_ without ever really coming to a decision, and it was so mentally exhausting that Bokuto was sure he would reach his breaking point any time now, so perhaps it was out of desperation to finally put an end to it that he blurted out the question.

“Are you not going to ask who it is this time?”

Maybe it was cowardly of him, to let Kuroo be the one to decide it for him. But Bokuto would tell him the truth, really he would, if Kuroo would just ask him.

Kuroo shook his head. “No.”

“Why not?” he pressed.

“If you really want me to know about it, you would’ve told me by now,” Kuroo shrugged. There was a pause, and then he added, “Besides, I guess it’s only fair. You never asked me about mine, either.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter,” Bokuto muttered bitterly, because it’s true. What difference would it make to him to know who Kuroo was glowing for? All he knew was that person was _not_ – and could never be – him.

He felt Kuroo stiffening beside him, and before he could even ask, his friend had stood up so quickly it almost knocked him over.

“Kuroo?”

“We’re up against each other next,” was all the answer he got, but Kuroo was still not looking at him. Bokuto was baffled. Did he say something wrong? Should he have asked Kuroo about his glow? Had Kuroo actually expected him to and was upset because he didn’t?

“Bro, what-“ Bokuto tried again, but trailed off because Kuroo turned around then, his trademark smirk plastered perfectly on his face.

“Come on dude, pick yourself up. It’s no fun kicking your ass if you’re already on the floor.”

“Hey! Let’s see who’s gonna kick whose ass now!”

They fell into their easy banters again, but Bokuto still felt unsettled, couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d made a misstep somewhere. He sighed; he really didn’t need another thing to worry about right now.

They made their way to the court where their teammates were already waiting, but just a short distance away, Kuroo stopped him with a hand on his elbow.

“Hey, Bo.”

“What?”

“Chibi-chan was right, you know,” Kuroo said. Bokuto raised a brow, not sure where Kuroo was going with this. “The color looks really good on you.”

Kuroo flashed him a smile before he ran off to Nekoma’s side of the court, a smile that was so genuinely _soft_ – probably the softest he had ever seen – Bokuto was afraid his glow would spark uncontrollably brighter right there and then, as his heart was flooded with an aching flow of affection for his best friend.

Ever since Bokuto unearthed his feeling for Kuroo, he had seemed to be stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do or where to go because every which way just felt like a disaster waiting to happen.

But this fleeting moment just now, it changed _everything_ and decided things for him: he was going to _tell_ Kuroo, because there was just no way he could last keeping something so grand as this from Kuroo for long anyway.

Feeling infinitely better now that he had _finally_ made up his mind, he stepped into the game in high spirits.

 _Oh, Nekoma’s about to get their asses kicked_.

-

Two weeks passed, and Bokuto was now sulking in his bed.

For all his determination to sort things out with Kuroo, he had to admit that it was easier said than done. But, for once, it wasn’t for lack of trying or because he got cold feet.

He might have been overthinking it, but he couldn’t help feeling like something was off with Kuroo lately. Sure, they still texted almost every day and talked on the phone every other day or so, but whenever Bokuto asked to meet up, Kuroo would give him excuses that were not unlike the ones he himself had used to Kuroo just a short while ago.

It just occurred to him that Kuroo might not have bought all his lame excuses after all, because Bokuto certainly did not now.

What did this mean, though? Was Kuroo avoiding him now? But what reasons did he have to be doing this? Bokuto thought he was at least justified in wanting some time away from his best friend, but why would Kuroo?

_Unless…_

Bokuto jerked upright as soon as the thought crossed his mind, and fear started coiling in his stomach.

Had Kuroo figured out about his feeling and decided he didn’t want to have anything to do with him? Had he been wrong in thinking that Kuroo valued their friendship more than that?

Bokuto felt cheated, somehow.  If this was how their friendship would end, he would’ve at least liked to have the chance to tell Kuroo properly about his feelings. If Kuroo would end up hating him all the same, he should’ve at least done so after hearing the words Bokuto had yearned to say, instead of one-sidedly making a decision for them both like this.

It’s unfair. It’s like Bokuto lost a match before he was even given the chance to fight in one. He could accept defeats, but not like this.

_Kuroo couldn’t do this to him._

He bolted out of his house and jumped on the train ride that would take him to Kuroo’s house.

-

“You’ve been avoiding me,” was the first thing Bokuto said when the front door creaked open to reveal his friend, who looked understandably surprised by his sudden visit and taken aback by his outburst.

Kuroo recovered himself quickly, though. “Don’t be silly, dude. Of course I’m not-“

“Don’t call me silly! And don’t lie to me either!”

Bokuto hadn’t meant to shout, but at least it got Kuroo to finally look at him, as he stepped forward to close the door behind him, giving them some sense of privacy from whoever else was inside the house. It was only then that Bokuto realized Kuroo looked miserable, and Bokuto did not quite know what to make of it.

Did Kuroo really hate being in Bokuto’s presence that much now? Had things between them changed so much in such a short span of time?

As if Kuroo had heard his unspoken question, he ran a hand through his messy bedhair and sighed.

“It’s just. It’s hard for me to be around you right now, Bo,” and Bokuto thought he couldn’t have felt colder even if Kuroo had doused him in freezing Arctic water. Suddenly it’s so hard to just simply breathe.

“I swear it’s not you, alright? It’s me,” Kuroo said again, trying to soften the blow because he was just too _fucking_ nice like that.

But even his kindness hurt right now. Everything hurt and Bokuto couldn’t bear it. It’s too much, his heart filled to the brim with pain, with pent-up frustration, with anger, and he wanted it all gone.

So he lashed out.

“It’s hard for you to be around me? Well, serves you right, because it’s fucking hard for me to be around you, too!” he bellowed, and he continued before Kuroo, who was positively stunned, had a chance to interrupt. “It’s hard to be around you and be constantly reminded by that fucking blinding red glow that you’re in love with someone, and that someone could never be me!”

Something flickered on Kuroo’s face and he looked as if he wanted to say something, but Bokuto wasn’t quite done yet.

“I have been foolish! Akaashi once made me wonder if maybe, maybe, it could be me after all but how could it be when you hate even being around me this much, right?” Bokuto let out a desperate, self-deprecating laugh, which sounded more like a broken sob to his own ears. _Shit_. He looked down, trying not to break down just yet, because he still had more things to say. But it’s getting more difficult not to choke on his own tears.

“Bo, calm down. Please let me explain-“ he heard Kuroo said gently, cautiously, as if he was talking to a wounded animal, and it irked him. He lifted his head up and shot Kuroo a glare.

“No, you listen! What you did, it’s not fair, Kuroo. You didn’t even give me a chance to get over it, to get over _you_! It’s not gonna be easy – _damn_ you for being so perfect – but I can try! I’ll try my best if it means we can still be friends. I’m sorry I have to make things awkward by falling for you – I can’t help it. But they don’t always have to be, if you could just give me some time. O-or I could give you some time, too, if my feeling bothers you that much. But don’t just end things like this, Kuroo. It’s unfair. You’re unfair.”

The last bit might have come out as a whimper, but Bokuto couldn’t care less now. He felt drained, depleted, as if his every last breath had been squeezed out of him, and now all he wanted to do was to curl in his own bed and shut the world away, wishing he could turn back time to when he was still blissfully unaware of this feeling, for now he had learned what it would cost him: nothing but the one friendship he had cherished more than anything.

Damn.

He flinched when he felt a hand on his cheek, thumbing away the tears he didn’t even realize had spilled. _Great_ , Bokuto thought sourly, _as if I need to look even more pathetic in front of Kuroo_.

“Are you quite done yet now?” Kuroo asked, his hand still lingering against the now damp skin of his cheek, radiating warmth.

Bokuto just nodded. “Y-yeah, I’m sor-“

”Bo, I swear, if you say sorry one more time, I may kiss you just to shut you up.”

 “W-w-whaat?’ Bokuto stammered, looking up to see Kuroo with a teasing smile on his face, and he couldn’t decide if he wanted to be angry at him for joking about something like _that_ or to say he was sorry just to see if Kuroo would _really_ kiss him.

But Kuroo then leaned in closer until their foreheads touched, and Bokuto was once again at a loss when he saw the tenderness in Kuroo’s eyes.

“If anyone should apologize here, that would be me, alright? I’m sorry I made you cry, Bo.”

Bokuto just shook his head, still not trusting his voice not to crack.

“Let me make it up to you, hmm? Let’s go somewhere.”

“R-right now?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo grinned. “Of course, duh. I know just the perfect place.”

“But i must look like a mess. My eyes are all red and puffy,” Bokuto pouted. He felt even more embarrassed for having cried earlier. But Kuroo only grinned wider.

“Nothing a cap can’t hide.”

-

“The ‘perfect place’ is a zoo, huh?”

Bokuto snorted as they were standing in front of the zoo’s entrance. It’s Saturday, but late into the afternoon and nearing closing time that there wasn’t much of a crowd left, just few small groups of families here and there.

“Hey, do you have anything against the animals? They’re amazing!” Kuroo protested, and Bokuto only managed to roll his eyes before he felt Kuroo’s hand slipped easily around his and he was being dragged inside. Kuroo was still talking, but Bokuto could barely tune in, too distracted by the fact that Kuroo was _holding his hand_ and Bokuto hated himself for not knowing what to make of it.

Was this Kuroo’s way to make amends and to show that they can be friends again? He’d bared himself open and let Kuroo know about his feelings, but the other had yet to say anything about it. Perhaps it’s better like this? To let his earlier outburst be swept under the rug, never to be talked upon again, if it meant Kuroo was willing to be around him again.

Bokuto considered the alternative (of not having Kuroo in his life anymore, not even as friend) and he shuddered involuntary. Kuroo seemed to notice, because he stopped to look over his shoulder at him, and Bokuto just shrugged and offered a small smile, suddenly feeling shy. Kuroo said nothing and continued walking, but his grip on his hand got somewhat tighter, and Bokuto felt that much warmer.

As it turned out, Kuroo was leading them straight to the snow owls’ exhibit in the eastern section of the park, and Bokuto instantly brightened. He had been here a few times before, though not since middle school, but each time was a fond memory. He didn’t remember ever telling Kuroo, though – it just never came up – so the other must have brought him here because of his so-called resemblance with the birds, even if they were not exactly the ones his name referred to. He chuckled, feeling the tension from earlier finally starting to bleed out of him.

Kuroo was still holding his hand, and they spent their time looking at the owls in a companionable silence, a welcome change from the never ending chatter they usually had whenever they were together. A giddiness started somewhere deep inside Bokuto, but it spread fast like wildfire and soon he just couldn’t stop himself from smiling widely – it’s unbelievable, just how he felt so at ease now given how devastated he had been just a couple hours earlier.

He knew it’s naïve to think he’d always feel this way – after all, Kuroo’s red glow and his own golden one were still there to remind him of the way things could never be between them, no matter how much he wanted it. It’d hurt, every now and then, but if Kuroo was still there, as his friend, Bokuto thought he could handle anything come his way.

“You look just as happy as you did back then,” Kuroo said softly, and Bokuto turned to look at him, brows knitted in confusion. Kuroo chuckled. “Just like when I first saw you, right here, back when I was – when we were – still in middle school.”

Bokuto just kept staring at him unblinkingly, trying to take in what he just heard and mulled it over his head. Kuroo stood there, a smile on his lips, waiting patiently until Bokuto was capable of any responses.

It took some time, but who could blame him?

“We met here for the first time back in middle school?” Bokuto finally asked, eyes wide.

Kuroo chuckled again and shook his head. “No, Bo. _I_ saw you here for the first time in middle school, right before the start of our second year, but we didn’t actually meet until that first training camp.”

“No,” Bokuto blurted out, shaking his head, even as he felt his heartbeat picking up pace. “ _No way_.”

“Oho, but yes way. You were here with your mother and your sister, you had your hair down, wearing a white t-shirt with an owl design at the back that looked hand-painted, and you just wouldn’t shut up about how amazing the owls were.”

In all honestly, Bokuto could hardly even remember what he wore last week, let alone _years_ ago. But he did recall once owning a t-shirt that was pretty similar to the one Kuroo had just described, which Kuroo couldn’t possibly have known because it had become too small for him when puberty hit and he never wore it again since high school started.

Many thoughts caught up with Bokuto all at once, but the first out of his mouth was, “Oh my God!!! So Akaashi was right after all! He told me we could’ve had crossed paths before, and I was like _no way_ , Akaashi, this is Tokyo! What are the odds? But we actually _did_? We did!!!”

He was nearly hysterical then, earning some disapproving glances from other visitors and surprising few unfortunate owls out of their nap which then hooted angrily before flying away from the noise, but Bokuto really couldn’t care less. Kuroo threw his head back and started laughing unabashedly.

“I guess Tokyo is not quite so big after all, huh?” Kuroo said between his guffaw, but Bokuto didn’t quite catch it as his mind registered something else Kuroo had said, something even more important.

“Kuroo….” he called, trying to get Kuroo’s attention back to him. Kuroo stopped laughing at once and regarded him with a smile again.

“Hmm?”

“You said that was back when you were in middle school?”

“It was, yeah.”

“Your glow, didn’t it start when you were in middle school?”

“It did.”

And really, Bokuto supposed he ought to have connected the dots by now, because he could still feel the warmth of Kuroo’s hand in his own, and Kuroo was smiling at him, so heartbreakingly fondly that Bokuto couldn’t have mistaken his affection for anything less, and yet…

“It’s _you_ , Bo. All this time, it’s _always_ been you.”

Up to that moment, Bokuto thought he had known what happiness was. Happiness was his mother pressing a kiss on his forehead and wishing him sweet dreams; it was his father lifting him off the ground and sitting him on his broad, sturdy shoulders to watch fireworks; it was his sister drawing a picture of him in brilliant colors with her treasured crayons; it was playing volleyball and spending his days with Kuroo.

But _this_ , this feeling blossoming in his chest as he heard those words Kuroo said, this was something else entirely.

Bokuto started to weep.

-

_“Mom, can I be someone’s favorite person, too?”_

_“Of course you can, Kou dear. And you will.”_

_“So if I find my favorite person, I will be their favorite person?”_

_His mother smiled and ran her fingers through his hair._

_“It’s not always that simple, sweetheart. Sometimes you will find someone you like, but their favorite person is not you. Sometimes you can be someone’s favorite person, but they are not your favorite person,” she explained._

_Bokuto frowned. “That’s too confusing.”_

_“It is, isn’t it?” his mother laughed softly. “But let me tell you a secret. When you finally find the one person you like the most in the world, and this person also likes you the most in the world, it’s the best feeling, and it’s something you should never take for granted, because not everyone is lucky enough to experience it.”_

-

 _It’s sheer bliss_.

-

They went back to Kuroo’s house, identical impossibly wide grins plastered on their faces as they held hands the entire way home.

Kuroo still didn’t let go even when they were already on the front steps and his mother opened the door for them. Bokuto fidgeted nervously as her eyes landed on their linked hands, but when she just grinned (now Bokuto knew where Kuroo got his signature smirk from) and said, “Oh, finally!” before placing a kiss on his cheek, Bokuto’s heart swelled with relief and renewed affection for her.

“Mom! That’s not fair! I haven’t even got to do that yet!” Kuroo grumbled, and then he went on to smack a kiss on Bokuto’s other cheek, which made Bokuto’s face flush scarlet and his mother laughing.

Kuroo had asked him to stay the night, to which Bokuto eagerly agreed because he was not quite ready to part with Kuroo just yet, and if the way Kuroo kept touching him was any indication, the other was definitely feeling the same way.

And Kuroo really just wouldn’t stop touching him – one hand resting on Bokuto’s thigh as they had dinner, his arm pressed closely against Bokuto’s when they washed the dishes, his head on Bokuto’s shoulder as they were sprawled on the living-room couch watching TV. It’s nothing they hadn’t done before (they seemed to have mutually abandoned the concept of personal space when it came to each other), and yet it felt completely different and totally new. Bokuto couldn’t say he didn’t like it.

When it’s getting late, they went to Kuroo’s bedroom to get ready for bed.

“No funny business while I’m here, young men,” Kuroo’s mother said with a playful wink in lieu of wishing them good night, and for a moment it got so awkward that they could barely look at each other in the eye.

“Ugh, yeah, sorry about that,” Kuroo smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Bokuto grinned. “It’s cool, man. She’s awesome.” _Just like you_ , he wanted to say but didn’t, because it probably wouldn’t help to make things more awkward by saying things like that right now.

Kuroo shrugged. “She’s okay, I guess.”

He then turned towards the wardrobe and started rummaging through it, probably trying to find some t-shirt and sweatpants that Bokuto could change into.

Bokuto stared at his back, his red glow now the most vibrant Bokuto had ever seen.

“Hey, Kuroo?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. He could see Kuroo stilled, but he didn’t wait until the other turn around before he continued with what he had to say. “I’m sorry. Now that I think about it, I’ve been hurting you this entire time, haven’t I? I kept coming to you and told you about all my stupid glows and, oh god, I’m such a-“

He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Kuroo’s hands were on his face then, tilting his head up so their gazes met before Kuroo leaned in and pressed their lips together.

“Told you I’d kiss you if you dared say sorry one more time,” Kuroo grinned into the kiss. Bokuto just blinked at him absently, still reeling from the feel of Kuroo’s lips against his own ( _OMG!! He really did kiss me! Kuroo just kissed me!!_ His brain screamed internally).

“It doesn’t matter anymore Bo, so please, stop saying you’re sorry. You’re here now, with me, and that’s all I care about.” Kuroo had wrapped his arms around him, and the last words were whispered against his hair, sending shivers down his spine.

“Okay,” was all Bokuto said, but silently promised that he’d spend the rest of his life making it up to Kuroo as he hugged Kuroo back just as tightly.

-

Once, Bokuto had been so adamant that things should remain exactly the same between him and Kuroo. But that was when he had still thought it would be impossible for them to be more than what they had been, and he was trying to salvage their friendship in any way he could.

Well, things were different now, and Bokuto surprisingly found himself reveling in all the changes that had taken place between them – couldn’t imagine he’d ever want it any other way, even.

Because now Kuroo would stay in bed with him instead of leaving him alone to sleep on the couch whenever he stayed over, and they would nestle snugly against each other, their long limbs intertwined so closely sometimes Bokuto couldn’t tell where his ended and Kuroo’s began; Bokuto would rest his head on Kuroo’s chest while the other had his fingers running through Bokuto’s hair.

And then there were the kisses, the ones Kuroo loved peppering him with almost obsessively, on his hair, or the tip of his nose, or against his jaw, though the best ones were always the ones pressed on his lips, in such a way that was heated and frantic but slow and lazy at the same time, as if Kuroo was determined to show how much he wanted this, had always wanted this, but also needed Bokuto to understand that he wouldn’t rush anything, for now they had all the time in the world – and Bokuto loved him just a little bit more for that.

And Bokuto had also learned that not only Kuroo was such a sap, but he could also be incredibly cheesy, almost embarrassingly so; like that one time Bokuto woke up to find Kuroo staring at him, and he was just about to tease him when Kuroo looked him straight in the eye and told him that _Kou, you’re simply the most beautiful thing ever_ , so painfully earnestly it caught Bokuto totally off guard, and he couldn’t think of anything else to do except pulling Kuroo down for a long kiss and whispering _Tetsu, Tetsu, Tetsu_ instead of the three words that always seemed too little for what he truly felt.

Bokuto loved the way Kuroo’s red glow now always put a smile on his face and made his heart flutter and filled it with warmth instead of pain, and he loved knowing that his own glow did exactly the same to Kuroo. But, above all things, he loved the way that they also remained exactly the same, somewhat.

Kuroo Tetsurou was his _best_ friend. He always had been.

And he always would be.

-

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm thinking of writing Kuroo's pov for this, but idk. anyways. if you actually make it all the way here, thank you for reading this ;w; feedback is greatly appreciated!


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